how are you at receiving?
I injured both of my hands a couple weeks ago and got a fast-tracked lesson in receiving support. As a somatic therapist who is a believer in soft magic, in community care, in our body’s innate ability to heal, and who has done a lot of healing around my ability to receive…my able-bodied ass was still on struggle street when I needed more support than usual.
Writer, educator, and community builder Margeaux Feldman writes in their zine Soft Magic (created with their art installation for a Crip Ritual exhibition) that “soft magic is a set of politics and a set of practices that enable us to heal ourselves and our world: compassionate accountability, vulnerability, curiosity, community care, and collaboration. Extending care towards others is magic. Opening ourselves up to accepting care from others and extending care towards ourselves is even more magical because in my experience it’s so much fucking harder.”
Ain’t that the truth. At one point when my hands were non-functional, I legit got pissed that my partner was being “too tender” while helping me because of my body’s resistance toward receiving support. When we’re in pain, our nervous system can be extra touchy and reactive, and mine was on one, struggling for the independence and grit our society mistakes for autonomy. When I’m centered, I believe in a world where we can ask for, give and receive tender care while maintaining our autonomy and self regard.
In a world full of neoliberal beliefs that mistake softness as weakness, the practice of slowing down and receiving is revolutionary. It is revolutionary because it teaches ourselves and others that we can be vulnerable enough to ask for what we need.
There’s so much information and art created by disabled and POC communities on this topic. Instead of recreating the wheel (and because maybe I shouldn’t be typing with my fingers this much still lol), I’ve listed several resources on softness and community care that I continue to learn from (below the blog). They cover a random span of subtopics. If receiving or asking for support makes you squirm sometimes, these may be for you!
And don’t forget the golden rule of healing: it’s ok to take this practice slow. It’s not only ok, it’s important! Navigating activation and taking breaks to self or co-regulate builds our capacity to feel the wide spectrum of emotions that is our birthright. Sometimes life comes at us fast (like the cement came at my hands lol), but that doesn’t mean we can’t use our vagus nerve break and take time to recover, to breathe, and to honor and care for our nervous system’s protective responses.
That’s soft magic.
Yours truly,
Katie
cover art by Molly Costello